Comparatively speaking, a lot has been going on in our lives recently. And it's all "good." I decided to go to counseling, we've started attending a class to help us manage our debt, I'm going to be volunteering at our local butterfly museum this weekend, we joined a new small group at church, volunteering in our churches nursery once a month.. all good things. It's been making it easier to not think about babies.
I think once we lost the second baby, we got a really strong reality check of "well, this isn't going to be easy." I think some would respond with, okay we need to try as much as possible because we're probably going to keep loosing. Us, on the other hand, are more like, maybe this is the wrong time or maybe it's really just not for us. I asked Wayne last night if he thought my issues and us loosing babies was one kind of "natural selection." I am kinda convinced that my bad genes really aren't meant to continue on for someone else. People with bad genes generally can't reproduce because.. well, they aren't the strongest of the group. Wayne doesn't really think that's the case but it makes me sad thinking I have these poor genes, these problems that are insurmountable and are meant to be passed along.
Right now, this is kind of devastating but I think it'll be worse once my brother and his wife start having kids. Or my close friends, but they have a ways to go yet.
Anyways, we've really been getting excited about paying off a lot of student loan debt. I'm really hoping that it'll take us about 6 months to get it taken care of. But we've got some things in our way, some things to overcome, mostly with Wayne's late father, and his possessions that we're now financially responsible for. Mostly, his truck. We do have the cash to pay it off and sell it.. but to me, there's nothing like making a huge initial payment towards all of our debt and really starting with a bang! And a while ago, Wayne was convinced we needed to put our money into a "safer place" aka a mutual fund.. and of course the mutual fund has lost about $800 in value, $400 of which is our investment. So, I'm hoping we can ride it out until it we aren't loosing money on that "safe place." It's not too much money, but enough to pay off our car.
So, once we get the debt paid off, we'll be able to rebuild our savings back to have a downpayment for a house. I'm not too too sure how long that will take but I'm hoping not terribly long, maybe another year or 18 months.. but that's being optimistic. And maybe around that time, somewhere between being debt free and buying a house, we'll decide to try again for a baby, if it hasn't already happened.
What's been nice though, is all of these things has helped me curb my baby fever. I'm not obsessively thinking about it like I was ever since we lost Noah. And that's nice. I guess I've accepted that a baby isn't going to happen on my terms. In my way. It's going to happen when it's supposed to (if it's supposed to). I'm not going to have a joyful, carefree, complication pregnancy. It's going to be hard and there's not a damn thing I can do about that.
So welcome, distractions, welcome. You're brining me peace and short-term joy. And I am grateful for that.
I think once we lost the second baby, we got a really strong reality check of "well, this isn't going to be easy." I think some would respond with, okay we need to try as much as possible because we're probably going to keep loosing. Us, on the other hand, are more like, maybe this is the wrong time or maybe it's really just not for us. I asked Wayne last night if he thought my issues and us loosing babies was one kind of "natural selection." I am kinda convinced that my bad genes really aren't meant to continue on for someone else. People with bad genes generally can't reproduce because.. well, they aren't the strongest of the group. Wayne doesn't really think that's the case but it makes me sad thinking I have these poor genes, these problems that are insurmountable and are meant to be passed along.
Right now, this is kind of devastating but I think it'll be worse once my brother and his wife start having kids. Or my close friends, but they have a ways to go yet.
Anyways, we've really been getting excited about paying off a lot of student loan debt. I'm really hoping that it'll take us about 6 months to get it taken care of. But we've got some things in our way, some things to overcome, mostly with Wayne's late father, and his possessions that we're now financially responsible for. Mostly, his truck. We do have the cash to pay it off and sell it.. but to me, there's nothing like making a huge initial payment towards all of our debt and really starting with a bang! And a while ago, Wayne was convinced we needed to put our money into a "safer place" aka a mutual fund.. and of course the mutual fund has lost about $800 in value, $400 of which is our investment. So, I'm hoping we can ride it out until it we aren't loosing money on that "safe place." It's not too much money, but enough to pay off our car.
So, once we get the debt paid off, we'll be able to rebuild our savings back to have a downpayment for a house. I'm not too too sure how long that will take but I'm hoping not terribly long, maybe another year or 18 months.. but that's being optimistic. And maybe around that time, somewhere between being debt free and buying a house, we'll decide to try again for a baby, if it hasn't already happened.
What's been nice though, is all of these things has helped me curb my baby fever. I'm not obsessively thinking about it like I was ever since we lost Noah. And that's nice. I guess I've accepted that a baby isn't going to happen on my terms. In my way. It's going to happen when it's supposed to (if it's supposed to). I'm not going to have a joyful, carefree, complication pregnancy. It's going to be hard and there's not a damn thing I can do about that.
So welcome, distractions, welcome. You're brining me peace and short-term joy. And I am grateful for that.