Our follow-up apt:
My husband was able to join, so it was the three of us. We met with our midwife for about an hour. She listened to my husband’s side of the story, again tearing up as he shared. Consoling me by holding my hand.
But our primary objective was to talk about a future pregnancy – still no one had been able to tell us what our chances of recurrence would be – and well, she couldn’t answer that question either. She basically referred us to a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) doctor who would be able to look at my case and be able to determine our path for a healthy pregnancy, if that was possible and intelligent choice. She said that any future pregnancy would certainly be high risk but would probably be able to be co-managed by her and the MFM doctor – which was a relief – I had developed this bond with our mid-wife that couldn’t compare to any other doctor-patient relationship I’ve ever had – I mean we went through hell and back under her care – not because of her but she was walking with us through it.
So she said that a nurse would call me to set up an appointment for 6-8 WEEKS from then. This felt like torcher.
For 3 months, I waited and wrestled with thoughts that I may never get another chance to have a baby. 90 days of this constant gloom lingering over me – I cried every day for those days – I was so scared, nervous, heartbroken over the thought that Noah was going to be my only baby and he was in heaven without me.
Needless to say, it was a long period to wait. And my poor husband – he had to live with this lifeless being, whom he loved but couldn’t help, was grieving himself – I’m sure he was scared that he was loosing the woman he married – a caring, vibrant woman who was now this silent, sad, depressed, baby-less person. It was a long 3 months.
MFM Doctor Follow-up:
So finally, the day of our appointment came – I was a nervous wreck. It was a silent ride up to the MFM, about 45 minutes away. This is when we would learn our fate about future babies. Naturally, at a doctors office, you wait and wait and wait some more. We moved from one waiting room to the next and finally, this short woman comes in and calls our name. I didn’t know who she was, maybe a nurse is basically what I thought but tension was super high. I don’t think I even said hello to her – turns out she was our MFM doctor. We went into her office and sat at her desk. She began to review my case. She was describing what had happened to us, to Noah, with his stunted growth and ultimately the catastrophic events which followed.
She, early on in our apt, disclosed that she had HELLP with her first pregnancy – but like “normal” HELLP they were able to save her baby (who’s now 16 and apparently a pain in her ass, ha). So she kept going on and on and finally got to the part of the meeting I was sitting on pins and needles for – the part where she would tell us our risk and if we should try again. She said, “there is absolutely no reason that you should not try again for another baby. We’re going to run some tests but regardless of the results, you should, when you’re ready, start trying for another baby.” I cried. I had waited 3 months to hear those words from someone and finally I knew that it wasn’t over – I was able to keep my uterus and I may, god willing, be able to carry another baby. She said, “yeah, that’s how I thought you might react” – I guess she could feel the tension as well. She continued, “you’re going to be a nervous wreck this next time, but we will get you a healthy baby – maybe not a perfect placenta but certainly a baby.” She never developed good placentas with her 4 pregnancies.
And finally, my tears began to fade – I was so heartbroken and distraught over the thought of not being able to try to get pregnant again but finally, those fears were gone. And the truth is, we may never get pregnant again, but at least we can try and hope for a healthy baby and the likelihood of HELLP reoccurring is minimal - at least with proper interventions
So the next step was to begin some blood work – she said, “we’re going to leave no stone unturned,” to ensure we’ve got all our basis covered. HELLP can and does just occur for no particular reason but can also occur for reason related to healthy blood exchange between momma and baby. So it began – I believe I had like 10 vials of blood drawn and analyzed for clotting disorders and antibodies, Lupus and who knows what else.
My husband was able to join, so it was the three of us. We met with our midwife for about an hour. She listened to my husband’s side of the story, again tearing up as he shared. Consoling me by holding my hand.
But our primary objective was to talk about a future pregnancy – still no one had been able to tell us what our chances of recurrence would be – and well, she couldn’t answer that question either. She basically referred us to a maternal fetal medicine (MFM) doctor who would be able to look at my case and be able to determine our path for a healthy pregnancy, if that was possible and intelligent choice. She said that any future pregnancy would certainly be high risk but would probably be able to be co-managed by her and the MFM doctor – which was a relief – I had developed this bond with our mid-wife that couldn’t compare to any other doctor-patient relationship I’ve ever had – I mean we went through hell and back under her care – not because of her but she was walking with us through it.
So she said that a nurse would call me to set up an appointment for 6-8 WEEKS from then. This felt like torcher.
For 3 months, I waited and wrestled with thoughts that I may never get another chance to have a baby. 90 days of this constant gloom lingering over me – I cried every day for those days – I was so scared, nervous, heartbroken over the thought that Noah was going to be my only baby and he was in heaven without me.
Needless to say, it was a long period to wait. And my poor husband – he had to live with this lifeless being, whom he loved but couldn’t help, was grieving himself – I’m sure he was scared that he was loosing the woman he married – a caring, vibrant woman who was now this silent, sad, depressed, baby-less person. It was a long 3 months.
MFM Doctor Follow-up:
So finally, the day of our appointment came – I was a nervous wreck. It was a silent ride up to the MFM, about 45 minutes away. This is when we would learn our fate about future babies. Naturally, at a doctors office, you wait and wait and wait some more. We moved from one waiting room to the next and finally, this short woman comes in and calls our name. I didn’t know who she was, maybe a nurse is basically what I thought but tension was super high. I don’t think I even said hello to her – turns out she was our MFM doctor. We went into her office and sat at her desk. She began to review my case. She was describing what had happened to us, to Noah, with his stunted growth and ultimately the catastrophic events which followed.
She, early on in our apt, disclosed that she had HELLP with her first pregnancy – but like “normal” HELLP they were able to save her baby (who’s now 16 and apparently a pain in her ass, ha). So she kept going on and on and finally got to the part of the meeting I was sitting on pins and needles for – the part where she would tell us our risk and if we should try again. She said, “there is absolutely no reason that you should not try again for another baby. We’re going to run some tests but regardless of the results, you should, when you’re ready, start trying for another baby.” I cried. I had waited 3 months to hear those words from someone and finally I knew that it wasn’t over – I was able to keep my uterus and I may, god willing, be able to carry another baby. She said, “yeah, that’s how I thought you might react” – I guess she could feel the tension as well. She continued, “you’re going to be a nervous wreck this next time, but we will get you a healthy baby – maybe not a perfect placenta but certainly a baby.” She never developed good placentas with her 4 pregnancies.
And finally, my tears began to fade – I was so heartbroken and distraught over the thought of not being able to try to get pregnant again but finally, those fears were gone. And the truth is, we may never get pregnant again, but at least we can try and hope for a healthy baby and the likelihood of HELLP reoccurring is minimal - at least with proper interventions
So the next step was to begin some blood work – she said, “we’re going to leave no stone unturned,” to ensure we’ve got all our basis covered. HELLP can and does just occur for no particular reason but can also occur for reason related to healthy blood exchange between momma and baby. So it began – I believe I had like 10 vials of blood drawn and analyzed for clotting disorders and antibodies, Lupus and who knows what else.