A simple yet complicated question all at the same time. Simply put, authentically engaging with my emotions, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. Not for one second did I run away from my sadness, my devastation. When losing a kid, there’s no time for sweeping it under the rug and dealing with it later – at least not for me. My greatest fears came true and there was no pretending I was fine. I am forever grateful to many many people but in the days, weeks and month following, my colleagues were really there to help me digest. I really think they felt my pain with me. And I know it’s not easy to be around a sad person for 8 hours a day but they let me talk, they asked me questions. There really wasn’t a part of my hospital stay, my heart that they didn’t know about.
People generally don’t talk about their stillbirths, their dead children – and as an outsider, to me it would appear as though they have forgotten about those kids. I was terrified I would forget about Noah. That I would forget all those things that moms remember – his birthdate, his weight, the time he was born – all of those things. From the outside, it seemed as though people don’t count them as kids. So they not only are dismissed by society but also their parents and family. I didn’t know what it was going to be like – I don’t think anyone can but I knew I didn’t want to forget him – until my first night out of the ICU. My night nurse, as she’s finishing up whatever she was doing to me, leaned down and whispered in my ear, ‘I know what you’re going through, my son has been gone 27 years.’ I think it was then that I realized that people don’t forget about their unborn children, they really just don’t talk about them. So talking about Noah, keeping my love for him fresh has helped me heal. I know in 2, 5, 10 years from now I won’t talk about him as much as I do now but I’ll certainly never forget him.
People generally don’t talk about their stillbirths, their dead children – and as an outsider, to me it would appear as though they have forgotten about those kids. I was terrified I would forget about Noah. That I would forget all those things that moms remember – his birthdate, his weight, the time he was born – all of those things. From the outside, it seemed as though people don’t count them as kids. So they not only are dismissed by society but also their parents and family. I didn’t know what it was going to be like – I don’t think anyone can but I knew I didn’t want to forget him – until my first night out of the ICU. My night nurse, as she’s finishing up whatever she was doing to me, leaned down and whispered in my ear, ‘I know what you’re going through, my son has been gone 27 years.’ I think it was then that I realized that people don’t forget about their unborn children, they really just don’t talk about them. So talking about Noah, keeping my love for him fresh has helped me heal. I know in 2, 5, 10 years from now I won’t talk about him as much as I do now but I’ll certainly never forget him.